achievements
I may have written about this at this time last year. It seems a natural thing to do at year end, for us to look back on what we‚ve done, and think about what‚s to come in the next 12 months.
Reading a thread on a forum about what 2008 has been to some people, it started to feel more like some sort of bragging exercise. People seem to rate getting published, getting paid, and buying the best gear as the highest achievements to be had. This does suggest that external validation is the most important thing to them, and I think it‚s a bit disappointing. I love it as much as anyone when someone (especially those I respect and admire, of which I am lucky to know quite a few) praises my work, and I do put it out there to be seen. But looking back over my year and thinking about it, there are other things which stand out as achievements for me:
The SoFoBoMo project
Not so much the final product, but the fact that I stuck to it and completed the project. It also coincided with the arrival of my holga lens, and a new way of seeing and of shooting for me – the softness of the lens seemed to work well with the hard lines of (ugly) 70s architecture and also the red and brown brick buildings of Dublin, and using such a small, discreet lens on a fairly compact DSLR body allowed me to bring photography into my daily routine rather than having it boxed off into actual photography based outings at weekends. I’m not sure I would have realised that so much had I not been forced to shoot intensively for the project.
Pointing my camera at people
I, like a huge amount of others I‚ve spoken to, have always had problems pointing my camera at people. But this year I shot a few weddings as well as a couple of portrait sessions for friends, and it – to use that well worn phrase – has forced me out of my comfort zone. I don‚t know why but when you do go beyond what you’re comfortable with and you actually do a half decent job, it’s hugely rewarding and gives you the inclination to try some more.
Using photography as an outlet
I never used to quite get it when people talked about using their art as an outlet for their emotions. I preferred botanical macros and couldn’t stretch further than a few tenuous links to something that sounded profound about the withered petals or the bare branches. Something happened around about the same time as I started shooting with the holga lens, and it became like a new language for me to communicate with – although in the strictest definition communication is the transfer of something from one person to another, I would be inclined to say that it still counts even if it was only me who could really understand it. I don’t even know what happened but it was like a switch was flipped and all of a sudden it just made sense. It really did give me an outlet when I had nobody to talk to, which was even more therapeutic than the peace I previously enjoyed when I went out with the camera.
Changing the definition of ‘good enough’
I posted about this recently. I used to wrestle internally about how I just took pretty pictures that were only good for decorating a wall or the front of a birthday card. It just didn’t seem good enough, intense enough, artistic enough, creative enough. I stopped measuring ‘good enough’ in that way and started to understand that if I got satisfaction from a making a pretty picture of a pretty flower, it was good enough.
These things, together, all add up to my maturing as a photographer and gaining a new level of understanding of why I shoot, and letting go of that quest for validity based on other people’s opinions, or indeed my own ideas of what other people expect of me. I can’t see what direction this path takes from here, but I’m looking forward to finding out.
“People seem to rate getting published, getting paid, and buying the best gear as the highest achievements to be had. This does suggest that external validation is the most important thing to them, and I think it’s a bit disappointing”
I have to say this annoyed the hell out of me too so I didn’t bother adding my own response to the thread in question. I’m going to put something up on my blog about my achievements for this year as soon as I find out what they where.
haha, you knew what I was talking about ;)
Difficult to resist the urge to rant on the thread itself, so I let it out here instead…
I’m sure when you look back over the year with a ‘big picture’ sort of view it will start to show you just what you have done. Just take a flick through your own blog archives – how often would you do that? Not much, I bet. It’ll all look different when you look back on it now, and you’ll probably surprise yourself with some of the things you find.
Each to their own measure of achievement.
You mention moving out of the comfort zone and since getting a nifty fifty the best photos I took this year were of family and friends. I have always been wary of sticking the camera in anyones space – I dont post any “people pics” to my public flickr in case its not wanted.
I guess im easily pleased when it comes to achievement in a hobby, i’m just happy that I liked my 2008 photos better then those the year before.
By the way, I like the snow effect!!
Talking for myself, in defense, I have mentioned few things that could be published. Photography is for me very personal thing and almost therapy. I do not post “my” pictures anywhere. At least until I get over them.
That applies also on my thoughts. Unfortunately the interweb is a public space and I do not have enough confidence to share my thoughts and feelings with other people.
And I do hope that more people who shared their happiness about being published or commercially successful don’t find such fact as total fulfillment of their (not only) photographical desires.
Julie: It’s great to see you posting again. I’ve missed your insights and questions. BTW, the snow is really cool! :-)
Many good thoughts/questions here, as usual. Hmmmm. What is ‘good enough’? Good enough for whom? Looking within, I think that good enough, means good enough for now. An example: When I go out shooting and come back with, let’s say, three pictures of the 80 or so that I took, I’m quite pleased. I’m a little more methodical in my photographic approach, though not much more ‘thoughtful’. I always enjoy experience of going out and generally ignore the ‘it’s not good enough’ voice while I’m out, and even more when I come back.
When I return, I try to see if there are any photos that spark my imagination. Not good. Not bad. But interesting to me in my current mood. Most of my photos go unseen. One could even say that 99.99% go unseen. It’s OK. They are for me. It’s how I experience the world. So how can they be only good enough or even bad? They just ‘are’.
It doesn’t disappoint me that people want external validation. They won’t find their way until they release that. They’ll always be slaves to trend, never really understanding much, perhaps having this deep down feeling that something is wrong with their photography. Always waiting for someone else to tell them what it is … How they should photograph. What they should photograph.
A great post Julie. I know that I meandered about a bit, but I do that sometimes. ;-)
Julie: It’s great to see you posting again. I’ve missed your insights and questions. BTW, the snow is really cool! :-)
Many good thoughts/questions here, as usual. Hmmmm. What is ‘good enough’? Good enough for whom? Looking within, I think that good enough, means good enough for now. An example: When I go out shooting and come back with, let’s say, three pictures of the 80 or so that I took, I’m quite pleased. I’m a little more methodical in my photographic approach, though not much more ‘thoughtful’. I always enjoy experience of going out and generally ignore the ‘it’s not good enough’ voice while I’m out, and even more when I come back.
When I return, I try to see if there are any photos that spark my imagination. Not good. Not bad. But interesting to me in my current mood. Most of my photos go unseen. One could even say that 99.99% go unseen. It’s OK. They are for me. It’s how I experience the world. So how can they be only good enough or even bad? They just ‘are’.
It doesn’t disappoint me that people want external validation. They won’t find their way until they release that. They’ll always be slaves to trend, never really understanding much, perhaps having this deep down feeling that something is wrong with their photography. Always waiting for someone else to tell them what it is … How they should photograph. What they should photograph.
A great post Julie. I know that I meandered about a bit, but I do that sometimes. ;-)
Excellent words of advice for anyone trying to find their way through this artform.
Thank you for writing about this and doing it so eloquently. It’s lovely to know that others have stopped wrestling with those demons. During the past year, I have become increasingly comfortable with what I choose to photograph and the type of images that I want to make. I’m no longer fretting about whether what I do “matters” to anyone else, because it matters so very much to me.
Thank you for writing about this and doing it so eloquently. It’s lovely to know that others have stopped wrestling with those demons. During the past year, I have become increasingly comfortable with what I choose to photograph and the type of images that I want to make. I’m no longer fretting about whether what I do “matters” to anyone else, because it matters so very much to me.
I like your thoughts on this. Nothing is static. As we grow as people and as image makers what we see as successful image making will change. If we are lucky it will keep changing until we drop.
The way I get around the whole issue and the burden of a fine arts education is to remind myself (and others when appropriate) that I do this for my personal satisfaction only. Sales, commercial shoots, the history of art, paying for equipment and supplies, and personal flattery or status be damned. And yes, I have a day job.
I haven’t done a search yet but the holga lens on a DSLR sounds interesting. Where can one get one?
Hi Mark, thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment. I got my holga lens from Randy at http://www.holgamods.com but the last time i checked the website he’s not actually selling any at the moment because he had an accident. I don’t think it will be too long before he’s back in action though. It is possible to buy your own holga and adapt the lens yourself but it takes a bit of cutting, grinding and glueing…
Hi Mark, thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment. I got my holga lens from Randy at http://www.holgamods.com but the last time i checked the website he’s not actually selling any at the moment because he had an accident. I don’t think it will be too long before he’s back in action though. It is possible to buy your own holga and adapt the lens yourself but it takes a bit of cutting, grinding and glueing…
Thanks Julie, I’ll contact him in a while.
I just looked through your images on Flicker. They are very nice. Can you print as well as you see?
Are you familiar with Brigitte Carnochan’s work? Your botanicals remind me somewhat of hers. Hers are hand colored silver gelatin prints of exquisite sensuality: http://www.brigittecarnochan.com/
Thanks Julie, I’ll contact him in a while.
I just looked through your images on Flicker. They are very nice. Can you print as well as you see?
Are you familiar with Brigitte Carnochan’s work? Your botanicals remind me somewhat of hers. Hers are hand colored silver gelatin prints of exquisite sensuality: http://www.brigittecarnochan.com/
I guess I’m regressing then. This is the first year for a while where nobody has offered to buy any of my pictures.
Actually I’m going to take that as something of an external validation that I’m heading in the right direction, too.
Mark, there are some absolutely gorgeous images on that site, and I’m flattered by you making the connection in your head between my shots and those. As for printing well, it is something I do struggle with – mostly technical limitations with my cheap printer that likes to leave little blank lines, spit out dark spots in the middle of the page and eat up ink quicker than I can afford to buy it! Besides that though, I do find that my stuff seems to suit very subtle smooth matte paper, which makes it come out more like watercolours. I did a little project for christmas there which was a calendar for my mum, and even though the prints were only 13x13cm, i was quite taken with how they looked on paper. I suppose ‘print more’ is one of my new year’s resolutions then ;)
Gordon, I’m glad you see it as a good thing that you aren’t pleasing the masses… sometimes the masses don’t know what’s good for you as a photographer!
Mark, there are some absolutely gorgeous images on that site, and I’m flattered by you making the connection in your head between my shots and those. As for printing well, it is something I do struggle with – mostly technical limitations with my cheap printer that likes to leave little blank lines, spit out dark spots in the middle of the page and eat up ink quicker than I can afford to buy it! Besides that though, I do find that my stuff seems to suit very subtle smooth matte paper, which makes it come out more like watercolours. I did a little project for christmas there which was a calendar for my mum, and even though the prints were only 13x13cm, i was quite taken with how they looked on paper. I suppose ‘print more’ is one of my new year’s resolutions then ;)
Gordon, I’m glad you see it as a good thing that you aren’t pleasing the masses… sometimes the masses don’t know what’s good for you as a photographer!