Not a positive post today :(
I’m finding that it’s a fine line between post hoc rationalisation, and understanding what you were actually doing with an image/series at the time.
I’m looking at this city stuff I’ve been shooting for SoFoBoMo and trying to figure out what I’m doing with it. I made the decision to shoot intuitively and not think about a ‘theme’ or ‘project’ during the process, and now my conscious self wants to make up all sorts of impressive sounding reasons why I like crumbling walls, rusty fences and broken windows. Every time I try to figure out what I was responding to on that intuitive level, my brain steps in and recounts various snippets of art talk from blogs and magazines I’ve read in the past. It’s a frustrating conflict, feeling like you’re fighting within yourself, trying to bring something to light that doesn’t talk in words and disappears at the slightest provocation to perform on demand. No wonder artists developed the concept of a muse – a shy but tricksy creature, contrary and capricious, refusing to work under pressure and deserting us at the worst possible times.
I feel quite lost. How do you fight through those (impressive sounding but completely false) justifications your rational mind puts in the way of understanding what your muse was up to? I feel like I need to understand, to tie up loose ends, or to move on to another level. I’m disinclined to keep shooting ‚blind‚ like this, with no clues as to what I’m doing and where I could go from here.